There are a lot of things I want to say to you, and trust me as a Libra, if you let me, I just might. But, for the sake of not over thinking it, I'm gonna keep this as short as possible. You are incredible. Truly incredible. And I am so glad that I know you and that you actually know me. That you trust me, even just a tiny bit. That even when I insisted on my ugliness you said you were glad to know me. Why can't I say that to your face? Well, I'm not good at expression. Not verbal expression anyway. Or physical for that matter... Or emotional--okay, I suck at being open. I'm used to hiding--But that isn't my point. There's something about you that I like. And it's not something I just found out because I'm talking to you now. It's something that got to me long before. Before E, back when I met you. Way before I even knew you; the very second I laid eyes on you I was drawn to you.
Not in the way you're thinking.
No. The way I felt about you was different. It was seventh period. You were walking the track, the way we always did right before we go up into the gym. She who will not be named saw you and shouted; "Run Forrest, Run!" I wanted to laugh. Normally, being the bitch I am, I would have. But, call it intuition or maybe I could just read your body language, I knew you didn't like hearing her say that. We all went up into the gym, and she and I and J to the bathroom. We talked for a bit, J left. She and I went into a more personal discussion about K [remember him?] after enough heartache-inducing conversation I switched subjects. The only thing I could think to talk about was you. I asked her who you were. She told me your name. You two used to date. You spit in her mouth during a kiss. I laughed at that, not to be mean, but because I chalked it up to be nerves. After all, I was beguiled by 'she who shall not be named'. I figured you were probably really shy, and since you seemed like a quiet loner, it wasn't too far-fetched an idea-- Anyway. After that I left with her, met up with J, K, C and you [even though we didn't speak] and I'll never forget what I saw.
I saw you.
Sitting with your back to the wall. A mess of curls around your face. Eyes locked on the space in front of you. You looked up and around once in a while and I swear to god you looked like you saw everything. I don't mean the details of the gym, I don't mean just the people. I mean absolutely everything. Even from behind your glasses and curls I could see the intensity in you. I couldn't tell what you were feeling, which despite my modesty, I do have a knack for. You poured of emotion and intellect. Just one look at your face told me that you were someone who didn't care for bullshit and you could see right through any lie. But more importantly, you were a good soul. I felt it then and so far you haven't given me a reason to doubt it. Even when I get angry. I stood beside myself, looking at this unassuming character, and inwardly I smiled. I knew that almost nobody else saw what I could see in that moment. It was incredible and very intimidating.
I didn't think you'd like me much. Since I was buddies with A. [Sorry it’s hard not using a name for this long and tends to make things confusing] I knew that it was dumb and somewhere I knew you wouldn't knock me for my friendship with her. But doubt has a funny way of making people over think.
So time went on and we never spoke.
Do you remember the one time A teased you so bad that you had to leave the gym? I wanted so badly to yell at her. To tell her off because it bothered me to see you so upset. Which, for me wasn't normal. Until that moment I thought she was a saint, and I excused her for every misdeed and cold remark she ever made towards anyone. But I didn't know you. So I let it slide. Reluctantly. Even after that I didn't really look at her the same. A while later she told me a very big lie about someone I loved dearly. Someone I won't even let my family talk badly about. What was left of any real friendship with her died after that. I left school because life had gotten unbearable, and in a moment of weakness I sought to leave behind the greater burden [the living shoujo manga that was school] and I fell into my new world at home.
I never forgot anyone. Least of all you.
But I assumed that you never knew me well enough to want to get to know me. When I finally created my Facebook account and saw you request me as a friend I couldn't believe it. I never could believe that you would remember me, least of all want to be my friend. And even over the internet I was afraid to talk to you.
Again time passed and you made a few comments here and there on my stuff. The idea to ask you on a date crossed my mind, but I thought that was weird and I don't really chase guys anyway. You got together with E a few days later and after that we didn't talk again until about two months ago.
I've gotten to know you since then and I am in awe of you.
I'm not saying that I love you or feel for you romantically. To be honest, while the idea is a pleasant one, I never cared whether or not you liked me like that. Even if I did lose it when you stopped talking to me for a bit.
I just really enjoy your company and you are one of the few people who can bring a smile to my face with just one little message.
I don't want to lose you. Ever.